Perpetually Waiting

 
After the laundry is taken care of and the dishes are done, Sunday evening waiting for Monday morning.
It's like Christmas Eve laying in anticipation for the morning squeals and joy.
It's like December 31 at home waiting for the moment at midnight when it's officially the new year.


Waiting.
Perpetually waiting.
Sitting in a permanent waiting room where no assistant will call you next.


Waiting at the light that doesn't change.
Waiting in the drive through line for the coffee you'll never get.
Waiting for the results you don't know if you want to know about.

Waiting on the phone. 
On hold.

Perpetually waiting.

The days fade from one to the next.
Some things to do.
Something could be done, left undone.
Other things finally achieved!

Waiting to go back to the pool to swim lap after lap all alone.
Waiting for the day we can go back to a job loved.
Waiting to go back to the days of conversations with colleagues.

Waiting to witness the aftermath. 

Perpetually waiting.

Trying Times Ramblings

Here's the thing, the times are a tryin' these days. Aren't they?

Depending on your Belief System, you may think it's the end of days. 

If you have a Belief System (bs for short) you probably do think it is the end of the world.
Because that is what a loving god does, punish.

At this time, we are all dealing with a national quarantine. Covid19 has locked the country down. Also, around here, Northeastern Nevada, the weather has been really shitty. Today, April 1st has been snowing pretty much all day. All other days have been overcast, windy and cold. The wind was so strong yesterday that when there happen to be an earthquake, it's cool wave-like motion through the house really felt as if it was the wind was seriously blowing the house side to side. However, when the wave motion continued and the indoor Buddha bells were ringing because of the sway, there was no question. Yep, earthquake.

So I suppose if one has any particular belief system, it could be inferred that one should be worried that the 'higher being' is throwing down his wrath. Especially if you feel as if maybe you haven't been living your life as 'he' would want. Self judgement based on the imposed judgements of others. To fear that things are completely 'out of your control' is the greatest fallacy. 

Things were never in your control. It's always an illusion to think so. Except for emotion and reaction. Those can be in your control. The more informed you are, the more armed with facts, the easier it is to decipher the emotions.

I don't believe in a 'god' specifically, I believe in the Universe. The universe has been and always will be. It is truly amazing. I do have a deep faith. I think its very important to have faith. Back when our world was the ordinary every single day standard; until March 15 (we should have bewared the ides of March, aye) I would get up with the same routine everyday.

From the time I woke and started the day, my thought would be toward the day. "Just another day. What will the day bring." I'd step out my front door on my way to the workplace, take a big long inhale to smell the morning air. It's the best. Looking around the neighborhoods I pass along the way and think about the people, the years of doing the same route. I often contemplate the sheer vastness of the universe. We are this speck of a Goldilocks plant with human organisms surviving all by matter of chance. We are nothing in comparison to everything else in space...

All through the day, I check in with how nice it is to have a routine; yet at any moment fully aware that that routine could easily be blown to smithereens. Anything could happen, someone collapsing in my classroom, a chemical spill on at the railroad tracks down town, meteorite lading on the building. A car bomb in the parking lot, an epileptic seizure or someone choking on a piece of candy... anything. Would I be ready to respond to that moment? 

Well, lookie here, we are in that moment! Routine interrupted. What an adventure. Not happy, but grateful. Like everyone else, I miss my routine. But like a small few, I am ready for the upheaval, because that is what the Universe does. How awesome:) Mankind has survived everything that has ever plagued 'em, we will get through this as well. It most certainly will be devastating, more so for some than others. To say it will either make ya, or break ya may sound callous, but I think it is the truth.

When you feel as if you are breaking, check in with yourself. Breathe. Make sure you aren't contributing to your break by adding substances that cloud your rational. Be sober, check the facts, and reach out to friends. Friends that are steadfast and will call you on your bull.  

It is a trying time for us all. Challenges are always good to go through. Nothing tests the mettle like a good challenge. Yet, this one... this one seems like a challenge to test all challenges. Some days are worse than others, emotionally and psychologically. But if you have a roof over your head and are not starving because rations have been minuscule, then you are in a good place. If you get sick, the chances of survival are extraordinarily high. More people have survived than died so far. Try not to get stuck in the negative doomsday numbers the media puts out there. If it is a really rough day, call someone, reach out, talk. Simply posting on your timeline 'Hey, give me a call" will bring positive results. 

Friends and family are the best thing we have going for us during these trying times. Keep in touch with them more than usual.