Installment 2. Series of Fortunate Events. A short series.

Thanks for following the story here to my blog. 😜

Passion isn't always an overwhelming onslaught of energetic enthusiasm. Sometimes it’s the constant burning of a flame that keeps one warm and guided. I never thought of the word passion for the things I enjoy, until recently. It takes me a while to grasp things sometimes. Sorta a slow learner I would say. 

Stepping beyond the humbleness to put myself out there is the objective of this series. 

So many have influenced what I do and how I do it. Education is important. Continued striving to learn more and keep up with the latest. No one gets to where they are alone and sometimes those who influence us do so just by  the way they do their thing. 

Installment 2.  Coach Candrea

Life is variety, and those we cross paths with are always for a reason. Didn't really think about my going out to learn from others was much of a deal. I started coaching softball at 14 when we could no longer play because there was no league for us. Kelly and I loved softball so much that since we could not play, we coached. 

Decades later, when Mr. Coates, my boss and the High School’s VP/Athletic Director came to me and said that softball was being added to the athletics program. He wanted me to be the assistant coach for the first season for the softball/baseball teams. 

I coached alongside Don N. Later that same year I was given a brochure for Mike Candrea’s Coaches Clinic if I wanted to go. In October I was off to  Uof AZ.  What an experience! I felt very comfortable and met some legends, although I didn't realize the enormity of it all at the time. It was at this clinic where I actually learned HOW to coach softball. Coach Candrea is passionate about what he does. 

I coached for 9 years and then stepped away from the field after Kelly passed. I just couldn’t be on the field because I wasn’t sure I could keep myself together. A few years later I was once again asked to step into the coaching position as Head Coach. I accepted. I found another coach’s camp that he was a part of I attended yearly a few years. I am a firm believer that if you really want to be the best at what you do, you need to seek out others who excel in that arena. I spoke to Coach a few times, emailed as well. He always had time to answered. 

If you ever get the opportunity o hear Coach Candrea speak, please take the opportunity. He has many words of wisdom to share. Coach has a code of ethics, integrity and compassion that manifests from him. I sincerely enjoy watching college softball and when UfoU plays Arizona I go watch. The last time I got to watch them play, I emailed Coach and asked if I could get a picture with him after a game. He said sure. 

At the first game I met some diehard AZ Wildcat fans. They asked if I was one as well. I said, “Well, sort of. But it's
more like I am a Coach Candrea fan.” They sure lit up with that comment. They were a couple older gentlemen and started telling me lots of great stores of Coach. Some I already knew. The second game was a day game. After the game I hung out at the dug out as did many many others. I took some pics for others, then I stuck my hand out to Coach and introduced myself, letting him know I was the one that emailed him. I handed my phone to someone to take a pic of us. I was so fan-girling in the moment. 

Coach says if you find something you love doing, you won’t work a day in your life. He is one person I look up to and use to help me maintain integrity in what I do. Softball is my first passion. Spent lots and lots of days on a field in all capacities. Groundskeeper, umpire, coach, stats, announcer any and every thing. I stopped coaching softball for good in 2015. I miss being on the field, throwing the ball and hitting to the players, but isn’t my place any longer. 

The planets aligned just right for me to have been in the presence of this guy. Never underestimate what opportunities may present themselves. Sometimes in the most unassuming ways. Learn all things from all things. Being present in the moment will open those opportunities. 

Take it all in. 

My Journey: Series of Fortunate Events

CHAPTER 1

In no particular order. 

There are so many other people who have been a part of my getting to where I am. No one gets where they are alone. And teachers are not just those at the front of the class leading. They are those sitting next to us at any given moment. 

Seems like most of the people I’ve learned from have been guys. No reason it just worked out that way. When I started in karate back in ’82, there weren't many choices where I lived. I was fortunate to have started my journey with someone who was extremely knowledgeable. I was pushed beyond limits and achieved things I never could have imagined. The martial arts gave me a place to go, a place that not only relieved stress but put my spirit at ease as well. The dojo was always a place to balance my spirit and get me back on track. As new-agey as that sounds, the martial arts kept me out of dark places within myself. 

My core instructor talked a lot. There was a lot of history and other information relayed verbally. He also did not liked to be questioned and when he did not have answers his retaliation for asking such questions was not fun. Do as I say not as I do was the norm. I learned to stand up against all odds because of this guy. 

I also learned that I am the one person I need to trust completely. Others can be counted on, but if I cannot trust myself, my capacity, capability, potential and ability, then I would never be a strong and enduring as necessary. Perseverance and endurance was the mantra that ran through my mind throughout the nearly two decades of training in that system under that guy. That perseverance forged a lot of my reputation. Endurance got me through to the end when it came time to walk away. 

The significance of that early training set the foundation for almost everything else I do and the way I do it. But if I hadn’t already had the character I did, then the lessons learned on the training floor under this dude would not have had the impact it did. 

I know history stories martial arts. I know weaponry. I know dislocations, and broken bones and contusions and concussions. I have a lot in common with many colleagues that trained in the ol’ school manner. No mats and all out. This I hadn’t realized was anything special, it was all I knew. Apparently, from tales shared with non-old school people about some of the adventures, the looks of alarm are hints that not everyone shares the same sentiments about the good ol’ days. 

I learned a lot. But I did not learn how to defend against a predator. I learned to fight in a ring with training partners. Yeah, my training partners hit hard, but their goal was never to take annihilate or assault me. When I realized that what I needed was not a part of the training I had. I needed to figure out some things. The foundation was set and that meant that whatever I chose to build on top of it had a solid base to set upon. 

Grit

It was 11 years ago this weekend that I drove 12 hours to Billings Montana to train with Sgt. Rory Miller. I’d never been to Montana before, but the 8 hr Saturday seminar fell on a weekend that I could make it happen. I had read Meditations on Violence  earlier that year. After reading it I emailed and he answered the email. That was a nice surprise. He said he would let me know if he was doing a seminar in the area.

I have learned  a lot from Rory. I also learned  a lot from my core MA instructor as well as from Phil my first SD instructor. The saying is that steel sharpens steel.

I guess.
However grit polishes rock.

The process of polishing rocks is a long process involving different size grit. You gather rocks and put them in a tumbler. Several steps are needed to create the final product. Starting the process coarse grit rounds the rocks. Smoothing, pre-polishing and finally polishing are the various stages. Many stages, lot and lots of time. Some rocks make it through the tumbling process, some do not.

The dudes I have trained with have been part of the polishing this old rock.
The final stage of rock polishing involves the finest grit to create the end result. The shinny lustrous rocks you see for sale. They don’t come out of the tumbler shinny, they have to be cleaned for that polished look.

The nearly 20 years I was in the traditional martial arts could be considered the rounding process. The skills abilities and knowledge I gained in that rounding stage opened many doors. I was sincerely blessed to have the experiences I did in that system under that instructor.

Leaving the traditional and finding my way to Phil Messina of Modern Warrior gave me the direction I was seeking. He was generous, experienced and so full of information and knowledge. He set the standards for what I do. Phil was the one who pointed me in the direction of Rory by suggesting his Meditations on Violence book.

Rory's stuff is good because it is not prescriptive, its is principle based. I never really analyzed what I do, however when he first stated “You are not a 6 foot guy. Stop trying to fight like one.” I had to figure out what that meant. I fought like the person I was trained by. That is how it was back in the day. We were all trained exactly the same rote way.

Having things pointed out to me from a perspective that sincerely is in the interest of making me better, not just teaching their stuff, certainly has been different. No need to regurgitate, but definitely have to scrutinize and contemplate. A new level and way of learning.

A bonus is the amazing group that I have become a part of. They are truly the fine grit that is a part of the polishing process. There are so many people I don’t think I would have even known of if it were not for Rory. Which is awesome. I have been very fortunate to have been in the right place at the right time.

Thanks man. Thanks for being the grit in my life.
And bringing so many other gritty people into my life. Its been an honor.

500 Rising Movement

First major training of 2021 is in the books. I’ll be headed to Boise soon for the training Joe brings Rory in for. It’s s fun and can’t wait to catch up with the group that goes to that one. At this point, every training is like a family reunion. Plus, it is going to be super extra special for me. But back to the most recent training. 500 Rising.

500 Rising is working to tip the statistics on violence against women. Violence comes in many flavors and its is a tool. It is used because it works. The violence against women is particularly compelling. Ask any female if she’s been in situation that turned uncomfortable to the point where she felt in danger. More than likely she’ll say yes. Ask her how about if she has feared doing anything about such things because the possibility of retaliation kept her from saying or doing anything. Again, she will probably say yep. 

 

Part of attaining the goal of tipping the scale is to train enough people in principle-based skills and data driven information to teach material to women so that they become more capable and confident in recognizing situations before it goes physical. With that, also providing the prowess to handle it. Imagine if we deeply grasped the subtle skills that are our first line of defense. Not only understand them but could deploy the strategies and tactics to implement a plan of action in order to avert a lot of occurrences. It would be hard to pick a good target with so many of us trained.

Being a part of the 500 Rising moment is pretty special for us. To me, it’s kinda like being at the tea party that July 1848, when a small group of women formulated a plan for specific, large-scale action for the first women’s rights convention. Changing the norm will have a ton of push back, especially when it goes against the grain. And when that grain challenges the status quo, push back can be brutal, and yeah, even retaliatory.

We stand on the shoulders of those who have gone before and we are gaining momentum. Moving from strength to strength, becoming more resilient and fierce and making others stronger, more resilient and fierce along with us.

 

Kicking Ass & Taking Names... Not Quite

Why is it that when a woman asks for self defense recommendations there are a ton of male instructors and materials all written by guys available? Military backgrounds, muscled up, testosterone fueled dudes. Dudes who most certainly may have been in lots of fights either in the ring or in the bar, faced violence or combat with artillery and gunfire exchange.

Yet if a female happens to get listed or recommend in or for self defense instruction it's always a woman in the martial arts. Some ranked or belted MMA fighter or someone teaching and training in karate, judo, krav, jujitsu, kung fu, taekwondo, whatever...

Self defense is not martial arts.
Women are not mini-men.

The root of women’s self protection lies deep and is much more subtle than kicking ass and taking names. 

Subtle does not mean soft or dainty. 

Subtle as in: not easily detected, cunning, sly or making use of clever and and indirect methods to achieve something; and to be so delicate or precise as to be difficult to analyze or describe, especially of a change or distinction.  *definitions from Oxford Languages.  

Subtle Warrior is self protection and personal defense education for women.

All the overlooked, inconspicuous, hidden, ignored, neglected, glossed-over unobtrusive, unscrutinize, unrecognized, unseen and unconsidered actions we experience in our everyday lives, those are all part of our reality and it is necessary to address them in our personal safety strategies. 

IDK about you, but I have had very few title matches, never street brawled, and am not really likely to come across war zone related violence. All I want to do is get through my day as efficiently and safely an joyfully as possible.

Whether my environment is rural Nevada, or big city Oakland, California, or states like New Mexico, New York. Or just any of the ordinary stops made throughout my day, I want to be as prepared as possible for my reality. Not Tactical Dan the Gray Man’s reality.

Reading surrounds and the activity happening there, trusting your instincts and having a plan of action is part of living in strength and distinctly taking up your space on the planet.

Knowing what you would like to happen and what you are willing and not willing to do or put up with, will help know how to implement the goal -YOUR goal- and plan how to achieve them.

What is your goal? 

Mine is educate women on how powerful their Subtle Warrior truly is.

Been There Done That

I recently had a revelation that was really mind-boggling for me. I have been teaching women self defense for 17 years. The number of years is in itself is pretty astonishing. 

Overall, I have been teaching for 32 years. For the first decade I was the sensei at my dojo. A dojo I, along with my husband, literally built. The Shihan-Shidosha-Sensei guru dude of the system I was learning at the time ran classes from his dojo. I would simply repeat the lessons from those classes in my classes. So I never really planned classes, merely adapted to fit my students and specific class goals.

When I left his system I was at a loss. I had spent so many years training and now felt as if I wasted all those years for nothing. Then I realized that I wanted to teach women self defense. But I was conscious that my martial art was missing very vital elements for teaching women self protection. Though I didn't know what they were at the time. 

So, with my usual general credo of "wing it" I found myself in the presences of someone who had been teaching women self defense for many, many years. Someone with the battle scars and trauma of a violence professional. That was my start in the self defense industry. Since then it has be a whole new level of learning. And it keeps getting deeper and more substantial. 

Earlier this month on a journey to the northwest to visit with a friend and colleague something was said that produced an epiphany.  I have been dwelling on it ever since. We were looking a collection of items I got to handle several blades. I have been formally trained in the sword. This is not something I've really thought about as special or extraordinary. Mainly it's been a tidbit I just have tucked away in my memory and experience bank. A statement along the lines of something like, 'not being formally training but having handled a lot swords has given extensive experience' got me to grasp the concept that I have experiences and reminiscence that are not only of value but are wholly a part of what I do. Teach.  

Imposter syndrome is a topic discussed often among those who are truly concerned that they deliver the best material they can. I've never thought of my doubts as imposter syndrome but rather more like 'incompetence syndrome'. "Am I really competent enough to be teaching this stuff?" is the mind-chatter I hear.

With another friend, I was expressing some concerns about teaching and possible challenges I may face. She made a simple comment that also blew my mind. "I know you will be fine in handling such challenges. You know how I know?" Of course I asked how. She simply pointed out to me a situation that I recently handled. I was utterly dumbfounded. So simple. So direct and so spot on. 

Yet, I never ever thought about it in such context.  

"OMFG!!! I've been there done that" [all already! Haven't I?]

Her response - "Yes." 

So with this month ending, I personally have had a few profound eye-opening realizations. I am so ready to get back in the saddle and stand in front of others and teach once again. I am excited, thrilled and confident. I am on the right path and have been for 17 years. With the group of supportive women and professionals helping me become a better, more informed instructor the future. The work is intensive but will be so worth it.