Been There Done That

I recently had a revelation that was really mind-boggling for me. I have been teaching women self defense for 17 years. The number of years is in itself is pretty astonishing. 

Overall, I have been teaching for 32 years. For the first decade I was the sensei at my dojo. A dojo I, along with my husband, literally built. The Shihan-Shidosha-Sensei guru dude of the system I was learning at the time ran classes from his dojo. I would simply repeat the lessons from those classes in my classes. So I never really planned classes, merely adapted to fit my students and specific class goals.

When I left his system I was at a loss. I had spent so many years training and now felt as if I wasted all those years for nothing. Then I realized that I wanted to teach women self defense. But I was conscious that my martial art was missing very vital elements for teaching women self protection. Though I didn't know what they were at the time. 

So, with my usual general credo of "wing it" I found myself in the presences of someone who had been teaching women self defense for many, many years. Someone with the battle scars and trauma of a violence professional. That was my start in the self defense industry. Since then it has be a whole new level of learning. And it keeps getting deeper and more substantial. 

Earlier this month on a journey to the northwest to visit with a friend and colleague something was said that produced an epiphany.  I have been dwelling on it ever since. We were looking a collection of items I got to handle several blades. I have been formally trained in the sword. This is not something I've really thought about as special or extraordinary. Mainly it's been a tidbit I just have tucked away in my memory and experience bank. A statement along the lines of something like, 'not being formally training but having handled a lot swords has given extensive experience' got me to grasp the concept that I have experiences and reminiscence that are not only of value but are wholly a part of what I do. Teach.  

Imposter syndrome is a topic discussed often among those who are truly concerned that they deliver the best material they can. I've never thought of my doubts as imposter syndrome but rather more like 'incompetence syndrome'. "Am I really competent enough to be teaching this stuff?" is the mind-chatter I hear.

With another friend, I was expressing some concerns about teaching and possible challenges I may face. She made a simple comment that also blew my mind. "I know you will be fine in handling such challenges. You know how I know?" Of course I asked how. She simply pointed out to me a situation that I recently handled. I was utterly dumbfounded. So simple. So direct and so spot on. 

Yet, I never ever thought about it in such context.  

"OMFG!!! I've been there done that" [all already! Haven't I?]

Her response - "Yes." 

So with this month ending, I personally have had a few profound eye-opening realizations. I am so ready to get back in the saddle and stand in front of others and teach once again. I am excited, thrilled and confident. I am on the right path and have been for 17 years. With the group of supportive women and professionals helping me become a better, more informed instructor the future. The work is intensive but will be so worth it.