Funk. Empty. Void. Down. Lost

I think many of us analyze and introspect ourselves. The past couple of years have been challenging, even for those of us who are good with not having to interact with people so much. However, even us hermits and introverts need others at some level. 

The effects of the crazy insane couple of years are still welling up. It feels kinda like an invisible tidal wave. You know, how it hits, goes back into the sea and then the next after shock and it goes back, and then the next one, etc. 

Each one is similar but different. The aftermath of the initial one is taken up and redistributed differently with the second. And so on and so forth. 

Well, that is how it feels with the emotion, the energy and feelings. 

Things going on at a good pace, just clicking along, but then everything slams to a halt. Eventually some things sorta start up again, differently and modified but moving. Now its like all is moving along, but not well. 

When I was a kid, I remember my brother talking about keeping his pick up running with wire, baling twine and nylons. Gerry-rigging things just to keep it moving along until parts could be found or bought. The challenge of problem solving and cashing in on all the affordances that can be imagined. 

Well, right now I feel as if things are moving along all gerry-rigged like. Duck tape, popsicle sticks, string, gum and mud. Everybody’s going through their days hoping the whole shitshow doesn’t fall apart all at once. Adding more gum and tape, but not really fixing anything. 

Well, with the ongoing shitshow somethings gotta give. Those who have the adaptability can step out and give themselves space to breath to keep themselves together. But sometimes, we don’t have the opportunity and things go south. Emotion and energy wise. 

Introspection and the controllable. Adding duct tape on top of duct tape on top of duct tape doesn’t fix anything, and is pretty pointless after a short time. It’s frustrating. 

So what does one do? 

Can't tell ya.        

I don’t know. 

I know what I have been feeling lately sometimes has me a bit scared. Figuring out what I need to make happen in order to maintain sanity has been challenging. I kinda know what I think I might want to do, but also I don’t want to shoulder more responsibility. Especially for others. It’s hard enough being responsible for myself right now. 

A place to go for a good work out would be great. But that doesn’t exist around here. None that would be worth my travel time anyway. “Start your own” you might say, well then, there ya go, right back to square one. I cannot be responsible for running the show right now. At least not solely by myself. Teaching seminars is one thing. That is completely different than undertaking an organized regular training or work out session. 

Bleah. 

Just. Bleah.